Bekah has been in love with her family friend for 7 years. Despite being his nephew’s babysitter and close family friend, the two have never talked or texted outside of their social/formal gatherings. Bekah wants to know if she should give up all hope or try and win this ‘love’ of hers. Let’s see if we can help her out…
I’ve been in love with a guy for five years. I’ve honestly flipped back and forth between hope and utter despair at him ever loving me. Our history is complicated, at least on my side. We have known each other for about seven years now. We were in high school together he was a year ahead of me.
We were never part of the same crowd, he was football and basketball captain, I was more of a nerd with a dash of athleticism through dance and an attempt at basketball. We always talked at my youth group and at church. Grade nine I went to his basketball game with his family and one of his friends thought I was his girlfriend. Although that quickly got cleared up, for the next several months that friend kept asking when we were gonna get together.
Despite this, we still hardly ever talked at school, but whenever we passed in the hallway I’d catch his eyes and I swear he would share the look. It occasionally happened in the cafeteria. A couple years of this later, he waved to me at lunch. After two years of us not really talking at school, I was in denial that he was waving to me, despite not seeing anyone in between us or behind me that he knew. Even after he waved twice, I did return the wave and pretended not to see it because I’m shy and couldn’t believe he was waving to me.
Unfortunately, the next day on we completely ignored each other at school. During those four years in high school we still talked all the time at church, and neither of us had a girlfriend/ boyfriend although he did go to prom with a grade ten (it is probably unnecessary to say but I was extremely annoyed that he would go with a grade ten when he had friends closer his age) but she was in his circle of school friends and was more popular and outgoing. They never dated however.
Now we are both in the same year in the same university (he stayed for a victory lap) and we talk more than ever. He has more than once said that I am practically family, true as I often babysit his niece and nephew and am very close to both his parents and his brother and sister-in-law. As a result, his whole family knows I am in love with him, and more than once a person at the church has asked if we were dating as we always sit next to each other at church.
We have never hung out without a group (something not uncommon for me but he used to often hang out with friends) but we still know each other well enough to have short conversations with just our eyes. This fact seems unusual because I often have a hard time holding his gaze because of my shyness. He seems to have no qualms with eye contact unlike me.
I can’t read his body language, half the time we are playing with two and four year olds together. We joke around with each other all the time. He often jokes around about other guys liking me despite my perpetual singleness. I’m trying to keep myself realistic by saying he has no interest in me, especially since he already knows I like him but hasn’t done anything.
We have pretty much never texted or Facebooked. I know he goes on, and occasionally even has status conversations with other girls, but none of these have ever led to anything. But this is what is causing me to keep my hopes low. I think he would be perfect for me. He is funny and nice, his family is wonderful, and we get along great. But our interaction never extends past his family or our church or youth group. I’m not even positive if he is shy or outgoing. He is usually outgoing, but he is extremely selective with girls, as seen by the fact he is 20 and never having had a girlfriend despite his popularity.
I feel like I missed a lot of important information, but that is most our history. So, do you have anything to help me let him go or a reason to stay hopeful?
Bekah, your main problem is that you are waiting for him to make the first move. You could have gone up to him and tried to make something happen in the past, but too much time has gone by. You said everyone, including your ‘love’, knows that you have strong feelings for him. Yet he refers to you as ‘family’. This is not good, and if you were to walk straight up to him and say, ‘I really like you, let’s go out sometime. ’ He will probably say you’re not his type, or that you’re like a sister to him.
You can try saying ‘Hey I really like you, let’s make out’ that hail Mary might just work;)
How to make him like you
People desire what they can’t have
This boy knows he has you, and views you as boring. Not to worry, this is an easy fix. The hard part; you are going to have to give him up for a little while. This will be difficult to fake, but it’s necessary. You will have to go out and mingle with other guys.
He is kept telling you that other guys like you. This is not a joke, they do like you. You even said his friend was into you as soon as he found out you were not his girlfriend. Find out who these guys are, and start hanging out with them. Live a little, treat yourself to some fun, and don’t think about this guy.
And stop hanging out with him as much as possible during this ‘cold’ phase. Let him initiate the conversation and you should respond with as few words as possible, but keep smiling.
I’m sure the word will get around and you are now hanging out with other guys. The boring girl he thought he had will seem to be slipping through his fingers with each passing day. He will begin to feel an attraction towards you.
Is he shy?
It’s really hard to tell from this but he seems to be a whore. He is either an attention whore, or an actual whore. You say nothing is happening with him and these ‘other girls’. Perhaps he is sleeping with them but not keeping a relationship. A lot of religious kids who are forced to repress their sexual desires act out in whorish ways. If he is a ‘hit-and-run’ kind of guy, he is probably not the best choice for you. If he is just an attention whore, he will begin to reconsider you as more than just ‘family’.