Boom! That is the sound of an actual collision that starts a domino effect, which later leaves everyone in confusion. One thing after another goes wrong and there is no help or hope in sight. Most auto accidents start just like this, and during these times people seem to come together and do incredible things even saving lives. There is another collision that does not have the same out come. In fact, most of these collisions are horrible, and can devastate everyone involved. The collision I am referring to is divorce.
Just like an auto accident most divorces are not foreseen. In fact, many would agree that while going thru a divorce the path to it is grey and most are unsure just how it all happened. Where does a marriage go wrong? Just like that auto accident mistakes are made. There may be at times a mistake in judgment, or a mistake in communication. Whatever the problem maybe the fact is it can be worked out if both parties are willing to do so. Before anyone even thinks of a divorce the question that should come to mind is “œwhy did I get married?” Surprisingly, at that time most don’t remember. They come up with excuses like “˜I was too young,” or “œI thought I was in love.” In fact, many look for reasons to validate their thinking. The fact is there is only one acceptable reason for a divorce. That reason is clearly outlined in the Bible as adultery. The Holy Scriptures gives no other acceptable reason to divorce. What does that mean for those who divorce for other reasons? In the eyes of the Most High you are still married. They are destroying a bond that God constituted in the Garden of Eden over 6000 years ago.
The uniting of Adam and Eve was a symbolic reference for us to follow. They remained married until they returned to the ground in death. How does this apply to us today? If we look at our marriage vows we will see that we agreed that we would stay married until death. Where is it ever written, “œUntil divorce is convenient!” This is the mentality of many people who are considering marriage. If it doesn’t work out I will get a divorce. This is not the way to commit to a mate. This is a selfish view that should not even be in the mind of anyone considering marriage. Surprisingly, more women than men possess this view. Why should those individuals rethink their decision to marry? The answer is “œthe children.”
When the two worlds collide (Mom & Dad) the ones that are devastated the most are the kids. The first thing they do is blame themselves for something that is not their fault. The second thing they do is withdraw from everything they were involved in. Then depending on who gets primary custody they start hating that parent and placing the other parent on a pedestal. Grades in school start to fall. Interests in family events become painful. Then depression sets in and in an instant the words “œI wish I was never born” are heard. This is a suicidal outcry. If Mom or Dad decides to remarry the new member of the family is in for a horrible experience. They become the new target of the child’s rage. Then the counseling sessions with the shrink begin, and that is an expense that will cost thousands. All of this misery could have easily have been avoided by just committing to the one that they were married to.
When you commit to a marriage you are saying “œthere is nothing that will separate me from my spouse!” What if you are in an abusive relationship? The first step is both parties admitting there is a problem and seeking help to fix it. If that is not an option then separation is another avenue to take, but the goal here is to get back together and get the help that is needed. Sometimes a week apart helps to put things in the right perspective. Many have admitted that they missed their mates and wanted to work out their problem. A major problem here is pride. Pride can be a huge obstacle to over come. Pride can also ruin a marriage if it goes on for a long period of time. Men and women can be proud at times in a destructive way. This selfish attitude is something most likely cultivated as a child and fueled at the playground. Pride has no place in a marriage, or in any relationship for that matter. When referring to men my Grandfather always said it takes a big man to put up a fight, but an even bigger man walks a way. Men need to avoid physical violence and women need to avoid it as well. A lady’s place is beside her man, not in his face. If you take these two principles to heart you can easily see the logic behind knowing our place.
How can you prevent your marriage from falling apart? Communication is the key. When your spouse talks you listen and the same applies to your spouse. The other thing you can do is COMMIT to your spouse! You agreed to marry him or her so make the best of it, and don’t give up. Marriage takes work and patience, so get busy and wait. Just kidding! If you are open with each other there is no limit to your happiness. True happiness lies in the comfort of each other’s arms. Together!